Surviving The First Baby: Keys to a Healthy Relationship in Parenthood

My wife and I recently had our first child. We had no clue what to expect despite the fact that we both have siblings who had already had multiple children. And the reality is that, no matter how much you prepare, you don't quite understand the challenges until your little one arrives and you experience them first-hand.

I had thought about posting this for some time now. I was initially hesitant since it is not something that applies to everyone out there. But, after further thought, I quickly realized that many of the visitors to this site are in the age range where they are either experiencing parenthood for the first time or are considering having children in the near future. If you do not fall into one of these two categories, the remainder of this post may not interest you unless you are looking for an idea for a gift for new parents that you know.

John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman's 2007 book And the Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives is a must read for expecting or new parents. Honestly, it is probably an ideal refresher for those parents already well down the path of parenthood.

I'll say right now that I am not one who tends to read self-help books or books about relationships. It's just not within my personality. However, early in my wife's pregnancy, she had come across this book, which many others had recommended. I decided to be a good sport and read it and I think it made a big difference in our relationship. If nothing else, this book does a fantastic job of raising your awareness of how parenthood impacts you, your health and the health of your relationship. It highlights many of the sources of tension that are present, but we don't always recognize. This book helps expecting or new parents recognize potential sources of conflict and offers simple and easy advice for avoiding escalation and maintaining a healthy relationship through parenthood that will keep you, your spouse, and your child happy and healthy.

Here is how Random House describes the book:

"Having a baby is a joyous experience, but even the best relationships are strained during the transition from duo to trio. Lack of sleep, never-ending housework, and new fiscal concerns often lead to conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings. In And Baby Makes Three Love Lab™ experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman teach couples the skills from their successful workshops, so partners can avoid the pitfalls of parenthood by:

• maintaining intimacy and romance
• replacing a culture of criticism and irritability with one of appreciation
• preventing post-partum depression
• creating a home environment that nurtures physical, emotional, and mental
health, as well as cognitive and behavioral development for your baby

Complete with exercises that separate the “master” from the “disaster” couples, And Baby Makes Three helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy."